Oil change

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Barnsley BXer
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Oil change

Post by Barnsley BXer » Mon Feb 13, 2006 10:12 pm

1. Go to Halfords and write a check for £50 for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it to dumpit site to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for axle stands.
5. Find axle stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 socket
9. Give up and use adjustable spanner
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Friend shows up; finish crate with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to Threshers; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first gallon of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole gallon of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with spanner and bang knuckles on chassis.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin swearing fit.
30. Throw spanner.
31. Swear for additional 10 minutes because spanner hit Miss December(1992) in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply plaster to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional pint of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from axle stands.
38. Accidentally crush one of the axle stands.
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car.
1990 GTI 4x4
1992 TZD
Dear Drooper............................

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DavidRutherford
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Post by DavidRutherford » Mon Feb 13, 2006 11:11 pm

I've only ever done step 24 once... once was enough, and my parents STILL have an oily mark on their driveway.

Ooops!
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AlanS
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Post by AlanS » Mon Feb 13, 2006 11:20 pm

I did it last week; drained oil, son comes over and asks me to do something. I do it but have difficulty, then need to do more so a half hour or more passes. go to car, brain says "now what was I about to do?" so I pour oil in, lift dipstick to show someone just how clear some of this expensive synthetic oil is, notice dipstick dry just as the new oil (which has gone into the drain pan on top of the old stuff) starts to run around my feet. :shock:
Not happy.

Alan S :oops: :oops: :oops:
By the time you're old enough to know it all, you can't remember why you were learning.

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Post by DavidRutherford » Mon Feb 13, 2006 11:36 pm

BUT

at least there's unlikely to be any sludge in the bottom of your sump anymore! :lol: :lol: :roll:
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Oscar
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Post by Oscar » Tue Feb 14, 2006 1:24 pm

Or...

Fill with oil

Getted called away to do something else

Fill with oil

Drive up motorway, unable to switch engine off as the double volume of oil is forcing its way past the rings into the combustion chambers and acting as fuel

(This is one of Honest John's stories, by the way)
(Red BX 1.7TZD ("Well, it is a style icon" - Tom Sheppard)) "Was", Tom, "was"

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Post by DavidRutherford » Tue Feb 14, 2006 2:20 pm

I've also hear the story of the newbie mechanic in a garage who "filled the engine" with oil.

Right up to the filler cap on the cam cover!

There's little wonder that the starter motor was struggling.
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st gilles

Post by st gilles » Tue Feb 14, 2006 2:57 pm

Saw the same thing with the oil done by a 'new driver' WPC........also did the same type of thing with the expansion tank for the rad as 'she thought it was for the windscreen washers'. Luckily for her she had an inkling that 'something' was wrong and came to seek advice! Later on when I became an instructor at the police driving school, I failed to see how she did it as there was instruction re this sort of thing as part of the 'daily inspection'. I can only assume that she missed that day!

tim leech

Post by tim leech » Tue Feb 14, 2006 3:10 pm

Or drive into work, get filter and oil from parts for £15, pay mechanic mate £10 to change oil in lunchtime, let him change oil, i dont get my suit dirty or injured or angry!, and he cleans up any mess!

All is well!

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DavidRutherford
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Post by DavidRutherford » Tue Feb 14, 2006 7:37 pm

tim leech wrote:i dont get my suit dirty or injured or angry!,
Pansey!

:lol: :lol:
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tim leech

Post by tim leech » Tue Feb 14, 2006 7:43 pm

Pufta actually digit! And im the only gay in the village (well bx club anyway)

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Post by Ian_Fearn » Tue Feb 14, 2006 10:54 pm

tim leech wrote:Pufta actually digit! And im the only gay in the village (well bx club anyway)
Dont be so sure of that Methanwy, I know of a few others!!! (dont include me in that either!!!)
Over and out from me

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Post by Barnsley BXer » Tue Feb 14, 2006 11:01 pm

Or me
1990 GTI 4x4
1992 TZD
Dear Drooper............................

Geoffrey Gould
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Oil change!

Post by Geoffrey Gould » Wed Feb 15, 2006 11:21 am

Hi I just couldnt resist this one. Have done the oil change routine get called away to phone come back and fill OOPS no sump plug job, its something you only tend to do once or so.
BUT ____. Picture this, Bedford bus some 10 meters long, rather dark garage and a pit that is quite narrow (serves buses and small vans as well.) Tin tray to drain oil into. Sump holds 5 gallons, drain sump and to make more room slide tray on the floor to outside of bus at exactly the same time as the head groundsman (shared building.) just returning from funeral walks past, OH ERR splash ++**!!!__??!!! I dont think he ever believed that it was a pure and simple accident but it was.
:oops: :oops:
Cheers.
Geoff.

tim leech

Post by tim leech » Wed Feb 15, 2006 12:26 pm

You can all sleep safetly in your beds guys you have nothing to fear!